Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I WANNA BLACK BAYBAY


"Madonna's Personal Assistant brings new Malawian son through Heathrow."

Seems as if Madonna's business empire has now extended to smuggling illegal immigrants. She's gonna have fun with all the fake visas, when the in-laws all want to come over for the Christening.

They should have known what was up when Madge was flapping her bingo-wings in an effort to hide the fact that she was probably the only person in Malawi of her age to still have all her own teeth, and not be responsible for all her aids-orphaned grandchildren.

Shame, noones posted the harry Enfield sketch, where Waynetta demands a black baby, cos all the other mothers on the estate/project have at least black child. Hence the title of this post.

If you can't be happy, be bitter.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

EAT IT PLEASE

Title apropos of nothing, just something I read in the last hour online. This website powered by Tesco's Spanish Cava. Special offer £3 something. Just don't buy out all the stock in my local Express.

Just watched the video of Madoona's $Jump.$[Off a cliff more like] Well she's got to save the bobbies now a little kiddies on the way. Big combat trousers to hide the scrawny loins that will never see a delivery. Just her and a clothes rail, and more Parkour than Sainsbury's. What is it with this Parkour. Try Parkour on Beachy Head and then tell me it's a new form of dance. Nobody mention the syrup. What next, H&M dentures, as worn on tour?


Highlights of today. Don't stay at home it's dangerous. letter from landlord asking me to let them in to evict Mr. Para upstairs. One thing I've learnt in this world is , you don't trust people, they'll give you every reason not to trust them. I'm sick of him freakin out every time the postman signs the Recorded Delivery summons himself, rather than leave a card. I couldn't care a f*** about your upcoming courtcase, and I ain't too impressed about you taking in post for men with eastern names neiver. Then dealing with Miss Pavlos, 'oo wants to set a pack of non-English speaking electricians to gut my house like they did the bloke next door. What's mid European for "You've f***ing fused the f***ing fuses, don't you realise I've got a f***ing live webcam show at 14.30 hours British Summer Time."

Not much happening personally. Huge strapping Strawberry blonde moved into the flat recently vacated by the african couple and their dead baby, what they waited an hour in the G.P.'s with. Strange way to cover up infanticide. Reminds me of the baby murder industry they 'ad in old Lunnen town. Proper embarissin' when they drained the Serpintine, only to discover a layer of infant skellingtons. Sorry, I must be channeling some Victorian Bawd.

Goodnight, and yeah sorry, I do still have access to a modem.

P.s, to Caroline, the only one to dare comment on this blog in years. Pete from Big Brother 7 had Tourette's and is not a "Spastic." By which I think you meant cerebral palsy, which is a condition caused be a lack of oxygen to the brain during birth. This can cause all sorts of degrees of damage, from profound motor skills damage, while the peron inside is completely sentient, to mental as well as physical disabilities. Pete had Tourettes Syndrome, causing physical ticks and profane statements, such as swearing and confessing you voted Labour in the last election. It was interesting to see it manifested in Pete whenever he faced psycho-social conflict. E.G. Nicki: "Does my bum look big in this? Petetee Darling?" "Wankers!" Of Course Wankers! Not My srawny stick of love. Wankers." I don't think she realised he was the usual shade of hippy wishy-washyness - "Let's not tie ourselves up in the patriarchal possesiveness of materialistic western society bullshit." As the space cadet said herself [or her agent] "He wouldn't hurt and insect, but he destroyed me!"

P.P.S. Still waiting on Jenny's fitness DVD.