Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Who's Afraid?

I have to say I'm a little bemused at the interest in my "turbulent relationship." If only because Over the last 5 years I must have bored titless everyone I know about the whole matter. It was all a bit too queeny for my liking, and we did get a reputation as being the Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor of the area.

I was going through a particularly trying time with my family a couple of years back, and was stressed out to the max. I had just got my first puppy, and ex was the green eyed monster. "Do you think you could look after him with all that you've got going just now?" My parents lost custody of their children at a very early stage , and it's an area I'm quite sensitive. I'd spent that weekend wrestling a distressed relative to the floor to prevent them discharging themselves, watched on by greek chorus of impassive medics, and as I tried to slip out for another very long day at the hospital I was acosted by ex. I'd already had to leave the puppy on it's own for most of the last few days. I had a mad moment and said I'd given the dog away, anything to get some peice. Ex burst into tears, very rare and completely unexpected on my part. I chase after him and caugth up at our very busy junction, where I'd been run over 6 months before. I tried to comfort him and try and salvage the situation by saying that the dog was still at home waiting to be collected. the crying stopped immediately and he wanted to go and get the dog there and then. I freaked at this point, at the selfishness of everyone I knew, probably including myself, and spent the next five minutes trying to get myself run over. At night times juggernauts hurtle through at top speed, but this was rush hour and standing in front of lorries wasn't going to cut it.

I'll tell you some day how making a cup of tea [an standard occupational test] got me my freedom

Ex and I are speaking a the moment and I was at his place touching up the paintwork today, mainly as a break from a website I am trying to put together. He came home from work with an old polaroid camera with a carton of even older film. As a figurative artist, I'm used to the naked human form, and have roped in friends and even acquaintances to model for various projects, ex included. He's always been a bit nervous of a series of polaroids I took of him a few years ago. "I think it's only fair that I have something on you!" Did feel a bit strange posing myself but what the hell. Well the results were a sort of 70's green sepia, I've lost a lot of weight recently and it all came out a bit Larry Clark.


Trashbinder said...

I think your posts are incredibly entertaining. More about the ex please, even if such requests bemuse you.

At least your tales are witty. My memoirs are just dull in comparison.

If I had to write about the last ex it would be a very short novel.

Chapter One - The Ex

He was a bastard, it is true.

The end.

kleverkloggs said...

Don't even get me started on my family!