Nil points . . .

Felt my presentation went badly yesterday, though wonder what my ideal one would have consisted of. My context came across as irrelevant and far too anecdotal. [The one thing 'Outsider art' has left with me with, is a disinterest in 'self - expression' - too self indulgent too self involved too subjective.] I don't do anything just becasue "I felt like it."

I even used it at the end to hold a survey of who had seen 'Coral Reef'! Of course many had already seen it.

A lot of the questions I'm asking myself, I'm just going to have to resolve on my own - is that my 'studio' practice ? My presentation partners were chosen for our conceptual similarity - I can't remember the specifics as I immediately went into shock. Me? Who's been drawing faces compulsively, every moment I can get, the only way I'm surviving at the moment, the only way I can another day of my failure at Chelsea.

I was late, not being able to sleep for all the dialectical nonsense going through my head, the very thing that I engage with materials and craft to avoid.

I've set my self another impossible task - as I try to dematerialise like mad, surrounded by the presence of old work


Met up with D, afterwards and went over pointless psychiatric self - justification. Maybe I should write all that down and put it to one side.


I presented the drawing and the video. Apart from the novelty of seeing myself,exposing myself [my dreadful skin, how I move when I draw] it was dull dull dull. Grey man grey drawing - the whole thing lost when presenting it in a cavernous white room.

On the bus home I thought of just inverting the whole thing, colour/tone male/female drawing/performance, etc ect.

Borrowed a couple of wigs on the way home, the price learning secondhand that my brother believes we hate each other. So so old.

Came home and brushed wigs . . . . then drew badly, listening to Obamas speech about 'winning,' and bed at 5.0am.

Now up and the usual trying trying to find a reason to continue.

The paper is just too smooth to accept enough of the graphite.




Plotting completely off, getting lost in detail.Time for some measured drawing.

One looks for so long, it takes a break to see how much one has missed.